![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:20 • Filed to: VW, Dieselgate, HHFP | ![]() | ![]() |
So I’m one of those guys; those Nazi loving environment hating guys that bought a Volkswagen TDI knowing FULL WELL that several years after I bought it I would discover that it was actually an acid rain factory that was designed to melt baby seals and erode the moral fabric of America.
My wife and I bought it back in October of 2010 as a new 2011 model a
!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
. Sure its got its problems, but we were coming from a 2000 Passat so as long as its wipers didn’t spin around in circles and it shot wiper fluid out its grill it all felt pretty normal.
Seeing as we bought it in October, as we tend to do with big purchases for some reason that’s likely due to moon phases or cats or pumpkin spice, we were due for our annual taxes and in Utah either a safety inspection, emissions inspection or both depending on the year. Normally these inspections are no big thing; pay your taxes, get a shiny new sticker, be on your way. This year has been a bad year for VW...diesel VW’s...2.0 liter Diesel VW’s from 2009-2014 especially, hey just like mine! Also, did you know that 2011 model year cars need safety AND emissions this year in Utah?
Given the situation with der Volkswagen and channeling my inner DeMuro I thought it would be interesting to document what happened when I decided to take my Cheatie TeeDi in to get sniffered*.
For this adventure I decided to take my car to CarMax Midas, partly because it was free safety with emissions and partly because I had never experienced the Midas touch and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. (Spoiler Alert: There was NO gold and very little touching)
I walked in and confidently proclaimed that I was here...for an inspection! Those not engrossed in their back issues of field and yacht looked up briefly and back down at their phones. At the same time, I was met with a totally and completely casual looking service manager.
“What’s the make and model”
Ah ha! My first test.
“Volkswagen Sportwagen”
Not wanting to disclose all my secrets up front I was very cagey with my responses. My hope was that in spite of the Dieselghazi server scandal covering automotive news like a discount steering wheel cozy over an ancient tacky leather steering wheel that the kind folks at Midas wouldn’t have heard about diesels, let alone their recent skirting with the dark side.
“Okay, it will be about an hour, can I have the keys?”
“ITS A DIESEL!”
Dammit...so much for cagey. Well, that was it...I was going to be out of car it seemed, that is until VW came up with their sophisticated aftermarket pee bucket solution...real smooth.
For my free hour I did what most people would do; I wandered off to some emergency supply store nearby to pass the time. There I sampled the various flavors of building materials emergency food bars and quickly became engrossed in a cheerful looking fat green book titled !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! from which I learned a lot...primarily that in the event of a nuclear war my best bet was to strip naked and run towards the light because I have no business being alive in a post nuclear war world.
Armed with this new information and a renewed appreciation for a living above ground and having skin I returned to Midas (Slogan: It’s not a curse, alright!) to meet my fate.
“All done, nothing to recommend!”
“but...its a diesel?!”
“Yeah, one of the guys and I were talking about that, sounds like they’re in some real trouble...anyway here’s your total and your stickers.”
I...uh...okay.
But really, I kinda expected this. I mean according to the letter I got from Mike...I call him Mike...my car was totally legal and legit until they figured this all out.
And so it was; I took it in for a sticker and I got a sticker...easy. There is one catch still, something of a minor sticking point that I haven’t quite figured out how to manage yet: Included with my results was a document that was signed by Midas (presumably with gloves on for safety sake) and included a line for me to sign to confirm that these results are “...accurate to the best of my knowledge”.
Hmmm, the best of my knowledge knows that they are complete crap, hell even the mediocre of my knowledge probably suspects something but what can I do?
If only King Midas were here.
*its a perfectly kromulent word!
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:25 |
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Gonna guess that they don’t sniff the tailpipe, they just plug the port and call it good.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:27 |
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Nice piece, I lol’d.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:29 |
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Just like a Doug article I’m left wondering why I read it.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:30 |
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I do wonde pr what will happen with the cars. I have a TDI Sportwagen as well but am the second owner so I doubt I’ll get the lovely personalized “Dear John” letter from Volkswagen. Here's to our single-handedly destroying the world one mile at a time!!
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:32 |
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That was the plan!
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:33 |
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They do sniffers on diesels in Utah?
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:35 |
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Nah, I’m almost positive it was an OBDII systems check and pass.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:36 |
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Diesel is under $2/gal in Austin now. Sounds like a great time to own a cheating high mileage diesel.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:37 |
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its $2.45 here, and it IS a great time to own one...assuming it doesn’t develop any more unrelated issues.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:38 |
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Homeland security will show up in full SWAT mode and take them away from you, similar fashion to what they did to Land Rover Defender owners
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:39 |
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I paid $1.87 in Abilene over the weekend for unleaded. I saw it for even less on the road. It's crazy, but I'm not complaining.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:39 |
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Why wouldn’t it pass? Does anyone test NOx? My local test checks only HC and CO with a visual smoke check for diesels. You can produce as much NOx as you like.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:41 |
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Nah, they don’t do anything other than an OBDII system check, but you never know if they might just turn you down flat.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:52 |
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They can try, but Mutter Merkel is pissed off enough at Murica. ( I'm hiding my precious US spec VW in Germany).
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:53 |
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But were you wearing pants?
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:54 |
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I wish I was, it was a cold walk to emergency scary store and back in just a thong.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:55 |
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You ate a Pro Bar didn’t you?
![]() 10/26/2015 at 16:56 |
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HA! a probar is a treat compared to the bricks they call “survival food”. Sidenote: Probar is a Utah company...sorry about that.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 17:01 |
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Here’s my question: Do they actually hand YOU, the customer, the stickers to apply? That’s... that’s a sin here in PA. Our inspection stickers are under lock, key, and password that’s hidden with Jimmy Hoffa’s corpse. When I inspect a vehicle, I can’t even have a coworker apply them. It has to be me, and me only.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 17:02 |
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I know. A good friend just left that company. Said it was absolute hell to work there.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 17:05 |
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yeah, they have always just handed them to me, stapled to me results page.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 17:06 |
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bummer, I guess its hard to be a small business these days.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 17:09 |
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Nah the CEO and CFO (brothers) are a special brand of racist wierdos.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 17:11 |
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I was dating a girl that was supposedly close friends with one of these guys, but I never met them. To be honest I’ve never even eaten a Probar one that I can remember.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 18:43 |
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I learned a lot...primarily that in the event of a nuclear war my best bet was to strip naked and run towards the light because I have no business being alive in a post nuclear war world.
Dude, you have a Land Cruiser and know how to use it. That puts you in pretty good stead, I’d say.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 18:56 |
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True true...I sure don’t want to be around though...No thanks
![]() 10/26/2015 at 19:48 |
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Huh. I guess other states just do it differently.
![]() 10/26/2015 at 19:52 |
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diesel
![]() 10/26/2015 at 21:44 |
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![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:20 |
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Good use of kromulent, it really embiggens the article.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:21 |
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Like a petulant child, he took it in.
Expecting a fight, but left with none.
Disappointed is he.
(Is he?)
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:26 |
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Its 1.68 in Benbrook!
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:27 |
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“Sure its got its problems, but we were coming from a 2000 Passat so as long as its wipers didn’t spin around in circles and it shot wiper fluid out its grill it all felt pretty normal. “
I love how VW owners are pretty much all playing the part of an enabler in an abusive relationship:
“Sure it’s a piece of crap, but it’s LESS of a piece of crap than my old VW, so I really should be very very grateful that my car tolerates me and only breaks down on occasion. It’s really a good car, you just don’t know it like I do.”
and for the record, I had a 2010 JSW TDI from new for 10 agonizing months. Oh, how I hated that car. My anger at it’s constant state of ‘broken’ burned with the fire of a thousand suns. The day it left my driveway was the best day of my life (according to the time stamped blood pressure records at my cardiologist)
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:27 |
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Field and Yacht......
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:28 |
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I decided to take my car to CarMax Midas, partly because it was free safety with emissions and partly because I had never experienced the Midas touch and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. ( Spoiler Alert: There was NO gold and very little touching )
I have always been suspicious of their name and slogan. Thank you for reinforcing my belief that the experience is lacks both gold and any actual touching of the car.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:28 |
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Have you baked and eaten the potato used to capture the image of your VW letter?
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:28 |
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Well, it DOES legally meet EPA’s legality regulations....
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:28 |
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Well written. I actually enjoyed the adventures in TeeDi. Sorry you did not get any gold from Midas. Next time go to a location in the hood you may at least get a gold crown air freshener.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:30 |
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And here I got failed by The Peoples Democratic Republic of Taxachusetts for tinted windows...
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:32 |
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NOW you know the REAL story behind government mandated emissions testing for all. It is all bull-shit.
There is NO way for a Midas to have the equipment to properly test the car. That equipment is very expensive. Sure, they can check for O2 and hydrocarbons but SO CAN YOUR CAR, constantly when the engine is running, by comparing fuel in and oxygen content out. They cannot test for NOx without far more expensive equipment.
Testing in certain counties in Ohio in OBD2 cars consisted of looking to see if the CEL was on. No light, pass!
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:32 |
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I loved this!
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:32 |
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But was it on the dyno/rolling road which enables the *cheat* software? It’s road tests that show it a murdering death trap.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:32 |
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This article really embiggens my spirit.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:33 |
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Only real solution is to take up a life of crime, and start rolling coal past elementary schools.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:35 |
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“primarily that in the event of a nuclear war my best bet was to strip naked and run towards the light because I have no business being alive in a post nuclear war world.”
Best line of the whole thing!
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:37 |
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they haven't removed the cheaty software yet have they? seems like they should pass inspections just fine until they remove the software... until the shops are told otherwise why should they treat you/your car any different??
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:37 |
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Owner of a ‘13 Golf TDI here. My less than perfect understanding of the situation is that we will be allowed to continue destroying the planet, murdering baby seals, etc. until VW can come up with a fix. Your car passed emissions because the cheat allowed you to, so technically there’s nothing the state can do about it. The real issue is that we’re stuck with rapidly depreciating pieces of rolling coal that we can’t sell until the car is “fixed” under some off in the future recall. Even then, we’re screwed because the dark cloud of the recall will hover over our cars forever. FOREVER. Chevy offered owners a $25 gift card to bring their cars in for the death by ignition recall. I’m so looking forward to whatever pittance VW is going to offer.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:37 |
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Holy cow. I’m old enough to remember .99/gal prices. Could it possibly get that low again?
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:37 |
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the inspection test is not the same as the EPA certification tests. why is this so hard for people to understand?
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:38 |
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Do you feel kinda dirty too, like King Midas touched you in the naughty place?
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:39 |
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“Cheatie TeeDi”
How about “TD Lie”
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:40 |
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pretty funny article, I fully approve.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:42 |
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In the areas of Georgia that do require emissions testing, diesels are exempt. So if you want to do really crazy engine swaps or make massive power while spewing raw gas out the tailpipe, just start with a vehicle that has a diesel VIN.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:45 |
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Midas is more of a collection of independent shops than a tightly ruled kingdom of stores. As with any independent shop, any one particular store could be good or it could be bad. Lots of techs don’t value their own signature. For an example of a positive experience at a Midas shop, look me up by googling “Midas found engagement ring.”
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:45 |
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Yeah, but I always feel that way.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:46 |
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I’ve started skipping most of the articles I see Demuro write. In fact, I’ve come to spend less and less time on this site. It was something great just a couple of years ago. Now, it’s a sort of steaming mess of gawkerisms and cross website promotion.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:48 |
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You need an immediate ban for this
kthxbai
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:48 |
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Volkswagen ueber alles!
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:48 |
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Yeah, I don’t get to the front page often. Oppo is always better.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:53 |
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$.79 in Kalamazoo, fall of 1998.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:55 |
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“primarily that in the event of a nuclear war my best bet was to strip naked and run towards the light because I have no business being alive in a post nuclear war world.”
This, so much This, never heard it put so eloquintly and funny before.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:58 |
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The plan is to charge each owner $10k in fines and crush their cars.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 09:59 |
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Seems legit.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:00 |
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Assuming your VW is registered in your name, you should indeed get a letter. Recall notifications are sent based on registration records, not manufacturer sales lists.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:02 |
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I live in Germany with my US spec car, it doesn’t get registered in any sort of stateside DMV. I’ll likely have to contact my local dealer once recalls are issued for any type of service.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:04 |
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In my state (Pennsylvania) we don’t even test Diesel vehicles at all.
Gasoline emission testing varies from county to county, with most counties not having any requirement for emissions testing while the denser-populated areas require varying levels of test. Medium density counties get OBD2 tests and merely visual inspection on pre-1996 vehicles. Higher density counties (like around Philly & Pittsburgh) require sniffer tests.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:05 |
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Newer cars actually get a sniffer test in Utah? In most states OBDII cars simply have their ECU checked for error codes (which your VW would pass unless it’s check engine light was on). What were the results from the sniffer test as far as NOx was concerned?
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:06 |
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They should pay YOU for gas in Abilene. It’s the least they can do to apologize to you for having been in Abilene for any amount of time.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:09 |
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Be careful channeling an inner DeMuro; they end up coming out like a kidney stone. Great article.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:10 |
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I play in the orchestra up there, and have been going about 7x a year for 20 years. I’m not sure I’d want to live there, but it’s not a bad place to visit. I’m an airplane nut, so I usually spend my free time out at Dyess AFB watching the show.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:10 |
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Man I am pissed. MD made me sell (give to charity) my 02 Accord bc the cal converter was throwing a code and I wasn’t willing to pony up the big bucks for a car with 200k. The car was safe, rode great and wss paid for. But jerks, not you this time, who drive cars that also polute are free to drive around killing people, why? Because the government is afraid of some former friends of the Nazis. Or are too stupid to act.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:11 |
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Damn.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:12 |
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Well, it MEETS the legality. Whether it does it legally is a different matter entirely
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:12 |
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Best thing you’ve written, HammerfistHeadpunch (I’ll never read your name any other way).
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:13 |
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I’ve got a Jetta TDI (second owner) and I received a letter.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:13 |
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*cromulent
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:14 |
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Exactly - I doubt Midas, or any non-VW shop - have the ability to reflash the software to remove the cheat. So if the software is still there, it’s still going to pass inspection.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:16 |
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I took my Golf TDI in for a smog check an it went rather uneventfully.
Turns out, in the PRC, diesels require a smog check every two years from brand new. Gas cars start at 7 years. It’ll be interesting how they handle this recall, because I’m sure the PRC doesn’t want to mess with their additional revenue stream.
The smog test here is a total joke. Idle emissions and then they rev the engine once at standstill.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:17 |
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I’m a second owner overseas with a US spec car, still waiting.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:17 |
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No, it doesn’t. It’s required to meet these standards at all times, not just when being tested.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:18 |
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well written, but you should have stuck around for the actual test so you could document what they did during said test. In California, they would have plugged it in to their OBD tool and assuming their were no codes, they would have sent you on your way with a PASS. I’d be curious what sort of test is performed in Utah on modern diesels.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:18 |
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The other day my adult son said something about “environmentalists” and how they were hopeful folks trying to halt the course of natural evolution. He said “Species die out all the time and it is like ‘environmentalists’ are trying to alter nature and arrest evolution at some arbitrary point.” I thought about it a sec. I said, “If your drinking water came from a well in your back yard, would you pee in that well?” Rhetorical question. “Do you shit on your living room floor?” Rhetorical question. He got the idea. I said - “To my mind, the species that ‘environmentalists’ are trying to save is ours.”
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:19 |
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I don't recall seeing anywhere what the actual emissions are. Is it one those things where the actual emissions are still within some legal range?
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:21 |
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So I’m one of those guys; those Nazi loving environment hating guys that bought a Volkswagen TDI knowing FULL WELL than several years after I bought it I would discover that it was actually an acid rain factory that was designed to melt baby seals and erode the moral fabric of America.
Seriously, what kind of eurotrash Junk are you? I hope that you fall off a slowly melting glaceir that refreezes around you and you die a slow painful death.
Pssst....down here, I was joking.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:23 |
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The car hasn’t changed and the test hasn’t changed so there’s no reason it wouldn’t pass. Unless Utah changes its test regime or requires some validation of having the recall repairs done, there won’t ever be an issue with emissions. I could see SLC doing that since we have such bad air quality problems, but I kind of doubt it.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:24 |
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“So I’m one of those guys; those Nazi loving environment hating guys that bought a Volkswagen TDI knowing FULL WELL than several years after I bought it I would discover that it was actually an acid rain factory that was designed to melt baby seals and erode the moral fabric of America.”
An excellent example of well-written hyperbole. That is, except for the small typo....
:)
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:28 |
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Diesel emissions tests are pure Bull Crap! There is no commercial machine to test Diesel emissions on the market that is affordable to the independent garages. If such a machine were avalible, the Kommies in my fascist state of Kalifornia would already have them in place. Instead because a Diesel test machine is so costly the test consist of the genius tech revving the engine up and observing for physical tail pipe smoke, then, plugging into the ALDL port to look for ECM fault codes.....that is all! This test is charged at the same rate the gas engine test is billed for.......the gas engine test procedure includes a $100K rolling test bed dyno run with the results being directly linked to the state overlords through a modem data link. My nearest smog inspection station even has the audacity to charge extra fees for my vehicle being a pick-up truck ($10 extra) because.....they are more difficult to access for hooking up diagnostics on a gas engine test.......try arguing with a person who speaks English as a second language about the fees.....they suddenly develop a severe communications gap. Lucky for me.....I have found a Smog Guy who understands that this test is complete BS and charges less for a Diesel inspection.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:30 |
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...does that statement exist in the EPA’s Test Procedures?
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:31 |
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I think the real surprise here is that they didn’t try to sell you an air filter, or wiper blades, or... something...
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:34 |
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This is about the last place I was expecting to see the word kromulent get used.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:35 |
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“...and erode the moral fabric of America” - in my opinion, nothing you’ve said up to this point would have any impact on America’s moral fabric.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:35 |
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Not enough redacting in the letter, and redacting is black. You’re such a racist DeMuro troll. Congrats on having a nataSdeezelle. Good piece of eye fluff. <3
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:36 |
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I will toast your success with a sweet glass of turnip juice…
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:36 |
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Emergency Supply Store... then I remembered, Utah. The Mormons are always preparing for the inevitable day when someone a) figures out that there's no way Jesus came to North America or b) they're just WAY to nice and polite and MUST be hiding Jesus in North America and they're forced to live on whatever they have stored/horded.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:37 |
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I wouldn’t risk having to take a post-food bar dump in the Midas bathroom. You are a brave soul.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:40 |
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Can’t speak for other states, but here in Pennsylvania, if you take your car in and it has an ODBII port they do the following for emissions:
1. Pull car in shop
2. Hook up computer to OBDII port
3. Read result
4. Choice: Call you, say car=broke->bring $$$ or car=OK! -> bring $
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:40 |
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As a fellow TDI SW owner (note: love my car to pieces), my read on the situation is that my car passes the current test. So unless/until the test is changed, it’s legal. When the test is changed, VW has to make my car compliant.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:40 |
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Or something else, for that matter.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:42 |
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Utah Emissions for anything newer than mid-90’s is just a quick check through OBD2 to make sure your CEL isn’t on.
![]() 10/27/2015 at 10:43 |
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I work occasionally as a subject matter expert for the Ca BAR (Bureau of Automotive Repair) and in a meeting last week this came up. For now anyway, affected cars are being passed (assuming there isn’t something else found in the inspection like excessive smoke or some visual failure).
Once the recall is established and being enacted, it’ll be likely that proof of the recall being completed will be required to pass the test. The testing tech will be prompted for entering whether the recall has been done - yes = pass (again assuming there isn’t another reason for failure) or no = fail